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fatty jeans.

May 23, 2012

I returned skinny jeans back to their H&M home today. Although I did take that leap of faith in purchasing them in the first place, I felt they needed to make the pilgrimage back to their home land. Which was actually Bangladesh, according to the label. I do have to admit, other than the jiggle in my thighs, they weren’t THAT bad. It was probably me who had a problem with them more than anyone else would. I would always feel like people were staring at my wobbly parts, and I’m not sure I could rock them and get away with it. So, let’s just get it all out of the way…I’m looking for fatty jeans. I need something that comes up a bit higher (but not obnoxious like the Jessica Simpson mom jeans incident of 2010), that add shape and take away shape from those parts, and that have a 36″ inseam. Yeah freaking right. They don’t exist. I need the opposite of skinny jeans. Fatty jeans. A revolution is born. For all of us who can’t rock the skinny (um, like 95% of us, and some of us think we can, but probably shouldn’t. Hence the return.), this post is for YOU.

It is with guilt, I admit to shopping at teen stores. I was thoroughly judged today by the teen girl who worked in the store, who looked about 16. She actually referred to me as the ‘older woman.’ Shudder. I’d expect this name calling as a result from my fling with Taylor Lautner (different post.), but not today…salt in the wound.

Since my uniform is basically a daily hoodie and jeans combo, it’s really easy to lock up just what I need at these stores. Except, seriously. Stores that also sell candy at the checkout because that’s what their clientelle ask for…what am I doing? But where do I shop? I feel like I’m totally fashion illiterate…when I have a vision in my mind I want to go for, it never works out. I’m not adventurous enough to wear trendy things. And at the end of the day, I’m definitely not into air drying and ironing. And I don’t want to be one of those cliché suburban moms that rock the Lululemon suit every day. Or any day. I feel like wearing sweats in public is super passe, but I sometimes do it anyway. Who am I to judge? It’s North America…not Paris. Get your comfy pants on, we’re going out. I feel like I can’t be as sophisticated as some of the outfits I see, and I’m also not ready to commit to dressing more age forward.

This is a huge topic for me. I live in the suburbs…where mall shopping is all we basically have. The same stores as every other mall. Same. Same. Same. Where do you shop when you’re almost 30, and packing a pot belly where your baby used to live? Not to mention 9 months (okay, fine, in my case 10) worth of ice cream eating and frivolous dessert indulgences? In the words of Heavy D, more bounce to the ounce! It’s becoming more clear that I have the style of a 12-year-old boy crossed with a 5-year-old girl. I actually own (and wear) shoes with hearts all over them. I have like 40 hoodies. I have a big collection of sports jerseys and shirts. I wear high top Vans. See? Bad. And I’ve ALWAYS dressed like this. Not because I want to, but because it’s easy and within my comfort zone.

My new thing? Figuring out my fashion muses, and re-inventing my closet. Slowly. Evolving it to a more age appropriate place. I will take any feedback and advice.

I swear to you now though, if I EVER wear sweatpants with Juicy written on them…shoot me dead. Line drawn.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. May 29, 2012 12:28 am

    I have this same problem but I can guarantee you my outfit of choice once baby arrives will be yoga pants and t-shirts so judge away (LOL). Wear what’s comfy. I salute those who can rock the trendy crap but I love to rock the comfy stuff myself so no judgment here about your choice of wardrobe. 🙂

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